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Posted July 22, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. In contemporary U. Classical monogamy —a single relationship between people who marry as virgins, remain sexually exclusive their entire lives, and become celibate upon the death of the partner—has been replaced by serial monogamy. Serial monogamy is a cycle in which people are sexually exclusive with each other for a period of time, break up, and then re-partner in another sexually exclusive relationship with a different person.

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People who have non-monogamous relationships in the United States range from those religious practitioners of polygyny involved in Islam or the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints Mormonswho are often personally and politically conservative, to practitioners of polyamory or relationship anarchy, who tend to be personally and politically liberal or progressive.

Especially among the more liberal groups, there is ificant overlap with other unconventional subcultures, such as Pagans, geeks, gamers, science-fiction enthusiasts, and practitioners of BDSM ly known as sadomasochismalso termed kinky sex or kinksters. Some people see any non-monogamous relationship as adulterous, regardless of whether or not both partners have consented to having sexual interactions outside the committed couple.

I argue that transparency matters, and consensual non-monogamy CNM is qualitatively different from non-consensual non-monogamy, or cheating.

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The two relationship also have distinctly different outcomes for the people involved: Not only do consensual non-monogamists try to tell each other the truth, but this greater communication has real impacts, such as smaller rates of STI transmission among consensual non-monogamists than among non-consensual non-monogamists. Many non-monogamists rely on honest communication to negotiate consensual agreements that allow a variety of ways to have multiple partners.

Even though contemporary society agrees that cheating is undesirable, people still do it regularly. Scholars estimate that approximately 20 to 25 percent of ever-married men and 10 to 15 percent of ever-married women admit to having an affair at some point in their relationship. Cheating has gotten easier, as technology has expanded opportunities for infidelity by helping us find our old high-school crushes on Facebook or arrange casual encounters on Craigslist and OKCupid.

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Alongside and even predating monogamy, cultures throughout the world have long practiced polygamy —a form of marriage consisting of more than two persons. The most common form of multiple partner marriage is polygynya marriage of one husband and multiple wives, who are each sexually exclusive with the husband. Worldwide, Muslims are most likely to be polygynous, with the highest concentrations of contemporary polygyny in the Middle East and parts of Africa.

Polyandry —a marriage of one wife to multiple husbands—is far more rare, as marriages between one woman and multiple men have received less social, political, and cultural support than have polygynous relationships. The most common form of open relationship is that of a married or long-term committed couple that takes on a third or sometimes fourth or fifth partner whose involvement and role in the relationship is always secondary.

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A couple practicing this relationship type might engage in sexual activity with the secondary partner together or separately, or they may each have independent outside relationships with different secondary partners—regardless of the specific parameters, the primary couple always remains a priority. Generally rooted in specific rules, expectations, and communication between those involved, open relationships may take a variety of forms and may evolve over time as needed to meet the needs of those persons involved.

Among recognized or intentional forms of non-monogamy, swinging is the best known and most popular.

Most broadly, swinging involves committed couples consensually exchanging partners specifically for sexual purposes. It is tremendously diverse, ranging from brief interactions between or among strangers at sex parties or clubs, to groups of friends who know each other and have socialized for many years.

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Popularized within the last few years by Dan Savage, monogamish relationships are those in which a couple is primarily monogamous, but allows varying degrees of sexual contact with others. As with other non-monogamous relationships, rules structuring these external sexual contacts vary by couple: Some allow only one-night stands no second time with the same person or only specific kinds of sexual activity i.

Polyfidelity is similar, except that it is a closed relationship style that requires sexual and emotional fidelity to an intimate group that is larger than two.

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Polyaffective relationships are emotionally intimate, non-sexual connections among people connected by a polyamorous relationship, such as two heterosexual men who are both in sexual relationships with the same women and have co-spousal or brother-like relationships with each other.

Given the anarchist nature of this relationship philosophyit is difficult to pin down an exact definition of relationship anarchy RAbut two themes appear regularly in the writings of people who discuss it. First, relational anarchists are often highly critical of conventional cultural standards that prioritize romantic and sex-based relationships over non-sexual or non-romantic relationships.

Instead, RA seeks to eliminate specific distinctions between or hierarchical valuations of friendships versus love-based relationships, so that love-based relationships are no more valuable than platonic friendships. Each relationship is unique and can evolve as participants require; if conflict arises, people deal with the issues, or the relationship comes to an end.

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Because love is abundant, people can have many concurrent meaningful and loving relationships that are not limited to the couple format. Second, another important theme within RA is the resistance to placing demands or expectations on the people involved in a relationship. Whereas swingers and polyamorists often create specific rules and guidelines to structure their relationships, RA rejects such rules as inevitably leading to a hierarchical valuation of some partners over others.

In RA, no one should have to give anything up or compromise in order to sustain a relationship; rather, it is better to amicably separate than to sustain an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship. Elisabeth Sheff, Ph. Ego and self-serving biases shape the life story we share with the world—and with ourselves.

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The good news: An internal reckoning will help us better comprehend who we truly are. Elisabeth A. Sheff Ph. Marriage 7 Different Kinds of Non-Monogamy Exploring the wide world of extra-dyadic sexual relationships. Marriage Essential Re. About the Author.

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